“And, no, it never goes away.”

Mike aka H. Andrew Swinburne and I have spent countless hours over the years discussing spanking and all of its joys. He is one of my favorite spankees and someone I absolutely adore, even when he is being bratty. After our session last week, I asked Mike to share the story about when he first came out as a spanko to Lady Green with the readers of this blog. He was more than happy to do so:

Gin asked me to write this brief essay for her because my perspective, at an advanced age, may be of interest to the many younger people she sees over the knee. At over 80, I am certainly the oldest beneficiary of her treatments. 

Before the internet, those who enjoyed spanking fantasy were isolated behind walls of silence and shame. I think all of us still feel we cannot be open about our interests with most friends even now.

It was around 1987, when alt. networks came into existence, that people like us had a way to reach out to others and discover that we were not alone but actually a large group of people seeking information, support, and acceptance. Alt.sex.spanking and Soc.sexuality.spanking as well as various chat rooms became focuses of many of our lives.

My personal experience culminated with chats and discussions with “Verdant,” now known as Lady Green, actually Janet Hardy, publisher of The Compleat Spanker, and much more. With her partner, Jay Wiseman, she was a voice of reason and calm in the newsgroup, and she happened to live not too far from where I did. With great trepidation, I asked to meet her for coffee. I am confident that many readers of this blog can imagine (or, if fortunate, already know) the experience of first admitting to a listener they trust what their secret lives have been like. Writers like Daphne Merkin and Jillian Keenan have described similar emotions in print. I felt those emotions whenever I later admitted my spanking fetish to others, still a tiny number. But first coming out to anyone is a rebirth. 

Gin is remarkable in that she helps many to begin this process. She does it a little bit every time I see her.  A life of hiding one’s deepest emotions builds up pressure like that behind a dam that will result in a flood when that pressure is released.  That is what it was like when I talked with “Verdant” about 23 years ago. And it was also how it felt even when I came out last month to a woman I knew about 25 years ago.

I venture that most spankos cannot go through a single day, since childhood, without thinking about spanking.  It is why most of us looked looked up the word “spank” over and over in the dictionary when we were young. It is why we “startle” when the word is used or the subject mentioned in any context. It is why we still search for pictures or videos or stories on the web, even long after we have experienced our first “good, hard, spanking.”

Our fetish life is centered around taking our pants down (did that make you startle?) Coming out to anyone is like taking down your pants. You do not need to expose your bare bottom in a crowd. But it might be liberating to do that, were it not likely to be offensive. 

It should not be offensive to expose your innermost emotions, your “real” life, to someone you trust.  Maybe it’s time to see what it’s like, just as it was the first time you took down your pants to be spanked.  How did that work out?

It changed my life, even if my life has not really changed. I am just a lot happier on many occasions than I could be in the old closet.

And, no, it never goes away.”

Smiles and Spanks, NaturallyGin.com

5 thoughts on ““And, no, it never goes away.”

  1. I read it right away. I think Jillian was a brave pioneer telling the truth in a public forum. The Shakespeare material is fine but not important, just an excuse to talk about Spanking with Shakespeare, which would have been the book’s title if it were marketable. What she writes about her obsession and how it is such a fundamental part of her life can be understood by all readers of this blog. Jillian is providing a path for the spanking community to emerge from our closets. And now we have podcasts and even YouTube videos! Slowly, vanillas will understand, thanks to people like Jillian.

  2. I am of a roughly similar age as Mike and was a happy, thoroughly disciplined husband to Aunt Kay for over 25 years. And I too found those alt. sites. In a way, I find it comforting to hear him say “It never goes away”. It’s my experience too. Will another DWC woman find me in this life? Time will tell. But I would never complain after 25 glorious years.

  3. I think Ms. Gin is the most authentic spanko I’ve ever encountered in the cyber world. She would be worth the pain, however, unendurable, because there is not a shallow bone in her body. However deeply we have gone down the narrow and singular trail she clearly has been there and farther. I look forward to the day I will take the leap to endure the unendurable at her hand.

  4. I’m close to Mike’s age and had similar experiences. I thought I was the only one in the world and I was terribly ashamed. It’s interesting because there was evidence to the contrary, for instance in the early days of television it was not unusual for a girl to get spanked. (It was always a female.) Lucy of I Love Lucy got turned over several times. There was a very memorable 16th birthday party, there were the letters in my sister’s magazines meant for teenagers. My marriage was because on a date she asked me to spank her, it was several years before I openly admitted my interest which was stronger than hers. It wasn’t until I was almost 50 and met the right woman that I finally acknowledged my submissive tendencies. In 91 I went to my first Shadow Lane party and it was extremely liberating. For the next several years we went as a couple and with no embarrassment I was put across knees and spanked in public. Now it’s all memories, but there are some very pleasant ones. Compared to a lot of people I have had a very rich spanking life.

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